Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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