overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
