guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
