I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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