Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
