i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
