Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
