I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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