i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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