sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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