she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
