Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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