u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
