She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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