He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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