wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize