I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
