Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
