I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won