You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck