a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.