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Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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