I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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