Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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