my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
