I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
