I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
