I don't think brook has ever known best
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
