I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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