11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got chris browned last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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