Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
