No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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