What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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