You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
