Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
