Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
