What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
