Kiss
Puke
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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