In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
