I smell stomach acid.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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