I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
