so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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