So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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