A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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