Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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