was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need to calm my uterus...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
