Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
