yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
