so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
