Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
