Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
