I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
