she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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