Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
