Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
