Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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