i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I did not marry a roomba.
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