some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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