Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
