i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
