fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I FOUND THE LEGS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize