saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
