Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
