Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
