i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
