I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
