why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
