I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
