I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
