Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
