I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
