He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
did i walk over a car last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
