He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
