Just fell off a train. Bad.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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