We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
