So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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