Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wear drunk well.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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